The Adventures of Lady Jaine, Part 8 (final installment)

Sissy was unhappy to find the mess Jaine made in the cell. After she had thrown a pile of rags over the vomit, she looked as ill as Jaine felt. Jaine murmured her thanks when Sissy gave her bread and drink, but when the girl left, she closed the door so quickly the sound sent waves of pain through Jaine’s head. The stone wall was cool, so Jaine leaned her head against it and closed her eyes.

“It is so sad to see someone suffering and be able to do nothing for them but lend
them a comforting voice,” Joel continued from across the cell. “It’s always my goal
to bring a little sunshine in everyone’s life, to make them smile even though life
may not be all they want it to be.”

“If I smile, would you stop talking?” Jaine begged.

Joel’s response sounded hurt. “Well, I’m not meaning to bother anyone, it’s just
that humans all need some form of companionship whether they realize it or not.
Especially in a place like this where we need to cling to every bit of joy and good
feeling that we can muster. When you think of all the good things that can happen, a
place like this isn’t so bad, don’t you feel like it? Especially when you remember
that this place was empty when I came here – so anyone here before must have gotten
out somehow.”

“Probably in a dustpan.”

“One trick I’ve heard before in captivity is to imagine all the wonderful things
that are going on outside. You know, birds are singing, the sun is shining, flowers
are peaking their heads out of the ground…”

“It is autumn. Winter is coming.”

“….Snow is going to fall, all frosty and white, with the king’s deer running through
it, holiday feasts will happen with roaring fires and people gathered around them…”

Joel continued his list of wonderful things they would not experience because of
their imprisonment. This torment lingered. Jaine had no way of marking the passing
of time until she noticed the gap of a window made to ventilate the cell left a
strip of sunlight above her. It moved across the stones, which could be used as
units of time. Jaine decided to call the units of time “Jaine Lifetimes.” Seven
Jaine Lifetimes passed while Joel babbled.

There was a clang of steel below. Joel talked on, so Jaine shushed him. Yes, she
heard fighting below, along with shouts and the roar of the ogress. Jaine listened
intently.

“Well,” Joel drawled, “I wonder what is going on down there.”

The fighting lasted half a Jaine Lifetime. Then there was silence.

“Hullo?” a man’s voice called from down the hall.

“Help! Heeeeelp!” Jaine raved. “I’m up here! Help me!”

The door opened. A man stood in the doorway wearing silvery armor, a dark goatee,
and a pose. He was gorgeous.

“I am Garrestotle, here to rescue you. I have slain the ogress who so wrongfully
imprisoned you, and now offer my arms to carry you off to your new destiny.”
Garrestotle smiled, evidently pleased with his speech.

Jaine blinked. “I am Lady Jaine.”

“I am Joel! And glory be, now we can all get out of here!”

Garrestotle looked at Joel, confused. “I was only told to rescue the Lady. Maybe
there was a mistake…”

“There’s no mistake!” Jaine insisted.


“Well, I have a key…” Garrestotle went to unlock Joel’s chains. Jaine gritted her
teeth and shuffled her feet impatiently. The shackle, still very attached to Jaine’s
ankle, rattled furiously.

“It doesn’t work,” Garrestotle finally decided.

“Well that’s what you get when you carry around that artless piece of
craftsmanship!” spat Joel. He corrected himself. “What I mean is, apparently it is
still my duty to bring hope and light to this prison. Go ahead, see if it works on
the Lady’s bonds.”

Garrestotle bent dramatically over the shackle. The key worked. Joel pouted.

“Oh thank everything that is good,” Jaine exclaimed. She tried hugging her rescuer
and nearly strangled him with his breastplate. “Now, get me out of here.”

They left Joel and descended the stairs. Leaving the tower where Jaine had been
imprisoned, they found a brook with a stone bench nearby. The trees leaned away so
as not to eavesdrop, letting moonlight fall on the couple. The man and lady revealed
their stories and troubles, leaning toward one another in earnestness.

“…and so,” finished Garrestotle as he stroked Lady’s Jaine’s hand, “that is why they cannot, or should not, use terms like “progress” and “good,” because those are
directional terms. If there is good there must be better, and they have established
no paragon. They cannot use progress because that implies a progression toward
something, assuming something good, but that may just as easily be a regression. You
can’t make an honest attempt at progress if you have no defined goal. Progress
cannot be a destination in and of itself – that makes it meaningless.”

“That’s brilliant,” Jaine assured him.

“Thank you.” Garrestotle smiled.

Garrestotle’s arm encircled her and Jaine rested her head upon his shoulder.

“And so,” Jaine asked, “when are we going to get married?”

Garrestotle stiffened. “Well, that’s a… I mean… that’s a question.”

“Yes, it is.” Her head came off his shoulder and she turned to face him. “What is
the answer? You did come to rescue me. It is expected.”

“I’m not sure. I hadn’t really… well, I had thought you would come with me on my
mission. I would like you to, and I kind of need you for part of it.”

“Which is more, your need or your want?”

“Umm… the one you want me to answer.”

“Well, as you picked the correct one, I’ll consider coming, but you have to marry me
first,” Jaine insisted.

He looked even more uncomfortable.


Jaine glared. “What! You expected me to go off with you without marrying me first?”

“No…”

“You expected me to refuse you?”

“No…”

With a huff, she shifted away from him and crossed her arms. “As I see it, you have
three options. First, you can leave me here, never to return. Second, you could leave me here to my own devices, risking that someone more decisive will come and
marry me before you come back. Third, you can marry me, and then we shall resume
your mission.”

“But I am decisive! I just hadn’t thought of this yet.”

“You came here without thinking about-”

“Shh!” he held up his hand. “I’m thinking.” He stood and paced in front of her. He
had taken off the most cumbersome pieces of his armor already, but still clanked as
he walked. “Okay. We can get married.”

"Oh good. When?”

“Now.”

“By whom?”

“Why, a priest, of course.”

“Where?”

“I’m still thinking. Okay, let’s just go, into the town, find a priest, and we’ll be
on our way.”

“Okay.”

Jaine returned to the tower to fetch her belongings and don a clean gown while Garrestotle located his horse. He had Lady Jaine ride it while he carried his armor, though halfway to town, she talked him into letting the horse carry the armor while she walked beside him and held his hand.

They found a chapel just as dawn broke, but decided to wait for the priest to wake up of his own volition. Meanwhile, they talked, and Jaine gathered flowers that grew near the churchyard.

The first beams of sunrise shone through the church windows as they said their wedding vows. A bright morning met them when they emerged, and Garrestotle kissed Jaine and set her back on his horse.

“To where do we go now, my dear?” asked Jaine.

“To the east. Though I warn you, there will be many dragons to fight and people to argue.”

“It sounds pluperfect.”

And so they strode toward the rising sun, toward their adventures.

THE END