To the boy I gave a look of pity earlier:
When that other woman came up and assured your step mom that she looked too young to have such a tall, strapping son, and your step mom replied that you had a different mother, I gave you a look of pity. You noticed, and I would like to explain it.
I don’t pity you because of your birth mother leaving you, or divorcing your dad, or abandoning you, or whatever other story I could make up. I don’t know what happened, and I’m not pretending to.
I looked at you like that because now you have to live with a woman who labeled you in public as “not hers,” and who also can't recognize empty flattery. She looked plenty old enough to be your mother to me.
I hope you don’t go through this stage in your life feeling embarrassed because your step mom denies you in public. The shame should be on her, not you.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
On “Good Reminders”
I don’t know how many women’s Bible studies I’ve been in where the topic material consisted of inane, non-offensive, non-challenging material. After the study when all the women are demurely sitting and attempting sanctimoniousness, one of them may mention what a “good reminder” this study was. I interpret this as meaning: “I got nothing out of this study but maybe nice feelings and assurance that I’m on the right path earning my salvation. And yes, I already knew all of this.”
When asking why women’s Bible studies read this drivel, instead of picking a work by a renown theologian or even just the Bible, I’ve been told that women need something more applicable, and something not too burdensome to read. The worst answer I received was that having women read something beyond the stereotypical “women’s Bible study” literature was that it might cause problems at home.
Problems at home? You mean that men will be shocked to come home and find their housewives doping on Aquinas, or high off Luther? Or was the suggestion that women might find deep theology too enticing and neglect their chores and children while hiding in a closet reading City of God? What I believe what was actually meant, is that women may be too easily influenced by an author, which would cause difficulties with her husband if he believed differently, or hadn’t thought of the subject at all. We mustn’t make our husbands feel stupid, thus we must be less informed than they are.
So all we get are good reminders. This is offensive. It may be especially offensive to me because my book of the month is The Feminine Mystique. Fridan’s discussions on women’s literature fascinated me, especially since it didn’t appear to change after she wrote her book. 50 years later, and women’s magazines are still full of sex, fashion, health, and children, but nothing inspirational. I’m starting to wonder if this is really what women want to read, and hence wonder what is wrong with us. Everything is very momentary for women: lose weight quickly, potty-train your toddler in a week, this season’s fashion. It seems as though everything around us is expected to change, but we aren’t. The best we can make ourselves into are better foodies, better lovers, better mothers. You aren’t going to make yourself a better person by frequenting Pinterest, even if you do improve what you already know. It’s the worldly version of a good Bible study reminder. Yes, I should eat better, yes, I should exercise more, etc. Thanks for the good reminder.
But no one changes with good reminders. People change when the clash of steel is in their ears, when they hear something offensive, or they get in good arguments. These lessons are more memorable than the good reminders we read in Bible study. They cause us to question what we believe, and hopefully go back to the Bible while working on our defense.
Some women's Bible studies may be better off reading The Feminine Mystique.
When asking why women’s Bible studies read this drivel, instead of picking a work by a renown theologian or even just the Bible, I’ve been told that women need something more applicable, and something not too burdensome to read. The worst answer I received was that having women read something beyond the stereotypical “women’s Bible study” literature was that it might cause problems at home.
Problems at home? You mean that men will be shocked to come home and find their housewives doping on Aquinas, or high off Luther? Or was the suggestion that women might find deep theology too enticing and neglect their chores and children while hiding in a closet reading City of God? What I believe what was actually meant, is that women may be too easily influenced by an author, which would cause difficulties with her husband if he believed differently, or hadn’t thought of the subject at all. We mustn’t make our husbands feel stupid, thus we must be less informed than they are.
So all we get are good reminders. This is offensive. It may be especially offensive to me because my book of the month is The Feminine Mystique. Fridan’s discussions on women’s literature fascinated me, especially since it didn’t appear to change after she wrote her book. 50 years later, and women’s magazines are still full of sex, fashion, health, and children, but nothing inspirational. I’m starting to wonder if this is really what women want to read, and hence wonder what is wrong with us. Everything is very momentary for women: lose weight quickly, potty-train your toddler in a week, this season’s fashion. It seems as though everything around us is expected to change, but we aren’t. The best we can make ourselves into are better foodies, better lovers, better mothers. You aren’t going to make yourself a better person by frequenting Pinterest, even if you do improve what you already know. It’s the worldly version of a good Bible study reminder. Yes, I should eat better, yes, I should exercise more, etc. Thanks for the good reminder.
But no one changes with good reminders. People change when the clash of steel is in their ears, when they hear something offensive, or they get in good arguments. These lessons are more memorable than the good reminders we read in Bible study. They cause us to question what we believe, and hopefully go back to the Bible while working on our defense.
Some women's Bible studies may be better off reading The Feminine Mystique.
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