To the boy I gave a look of pity earlier:
When that other woman came up and assured your step mom that she looked too young to have such a tall, strapping son, and your step mom replied that you had a different mother, I gave you a look of pity. You noticed, and I would like to explain it.
I don’t pity you because of your birth mother leaving you, or divorcing your dad, or abandoning you, or whatever other story I could make up. I don’t know what happened, and I’m not pretending to.
I looked at you like that because now you have to live with a woman who labeled you in public as “not hers,” and who also can't recognize empty flattery. She looked plenty old enough to be your mother to me.
I hope you don’t go through this stage in your life feeling embarrassed because your step mom denies you in public. The shame should be on her, not you.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
On “Good Reminders”
I don’t know how many women’s Bible studies I’ve been in where the topic material consisted of inane, non-offensive, non-challenging material. After the study when all the women are demurely sitting and attempting sanctimoniousness, one of them may mention what a “good reminder” this study was. I interpret this as meaning: “I got nothing out of this study but maybe nice feelings and assurance that I’m on the right path earning my salvation. And yes, I already knew all of this.”
When asking why women’s Bible studies read this drivel, instead of picking a work by a renown theologian or even just the Bible, I’ve been told that women need something more applicable, and something not too burdensome to read. The worst answer I received was that having women read something beyond the stereotypical “women’s Bible study” literature was that it might cause problems at home.
Problems at home? You mean that men will be shocked to come home and find their housewives doping on Aquinas, or high off Luther? Or was the suggestion that women might find deep theology too enticing and neglect their chores and children while hiding in a closet reading City of God? What I believe what was actually meant, is that women may be too easily influenced by an author, which would cause difficulties with her husband if he believed differently, or hadn’t thought of the subject at all. We mustn’t make our husbands feel stupid, thus we must be less informed than they are.
So all we get are good reminders. This is offensive. It may be especially offensive to me because my book of the month is The Feminine Mystique. Fridan’s discussions on women’s literature fascinated me, especially since it didn’t appear to change after she wrote her book. 50 years later, and women’s magazines are still full of sex, fashion, health, and children, but nothing inspirational. I’m starting to wonder if this is really what women want to read, and hence wonder what is wrong with us. Everything is very momentary for women: lose weight quickly, potty-train your toddler in a week, this season’s fashion. It seems as though everything around us is expected to change, but we aren’t. The best we can make ourselves into are better foodies, better lovers, better mothers. You aren’t going to make yourself a better person by frequenting Pinterest, even if you do improve what you already know. It’s the worldly version of a good Bible study reminder. Yes, I should eat better, yes, I should exercise more, etc. Thanks for the good reminder.
But no one changes with good reminders. People change when the clash of steel is in their ears, when they hear something offensive, or they get in good arguments. These lessons are more memorable than the good reminders we read in Bible study. They cause us to question what we believe, and hopefully go back to the Bible while working on our defense.
Some women's Bible studies may be better off reading The Feminine Mystique.
When asking why women’s Bible studies read this drivel, instead of picking a work by a renown theologian or even just the Bible, I’ve been told that women need something more applicable, and something not too burdensome to read. The worst answer I received was that having women read something beyond the stereotypical “women’s Bible study” literature was that it might cause problems at home.
Problems at home? You mean that men will be shocked to come home and find their housewives doping on Aquinas, or high off Luther? Or was the suggestion that women might find deep theology too enticing and neglect their chores and children while hiding in a closet reading City of God? What I believe what was actually meant, is that women may be too easily influenced by an author, which would cause difficulties with her husband if he believed differently, or hadn’t thought of the subject at all. We mustn’t make our husbands feel stupid, thus we must be less informed than they are.
So all we get are good reminders. This is offensive. It may be especially offensive to me because my book of the month is The Feminine Mystique. Fridan’s discussions on women’s literature fascinated me, especially since it didn’t appear to change after she wrote her book. 50 years later, and women’s magazines are still full of sex, fashion, health, and children, but nothing inspirational. I’m starting to wonder if this is really what women want to read, and hence wonder what is wrong with us. Everything is very momentary for women: lose weight quickly, potty-train your toddler in a week, this season’s fashion. It seems as though everything around us is expected to change, but we aren’t. The best we can make ourselves into are better foodies, better lovers, better mothers. You aren’t going to make yourself a better person by frequenting Pinterest, even if you do improve what you already know. It’s the worldly version of a good Bible study reminder. Yes, I should eat better, yes, I should exercise more, etc. Thanks for the good reminder.
But no one changes with good reminders. People change when the clash of steel is in their ears, when they hear something offensive, or they get in good arguments. These lessons are more memorable than the good reminders we read in Bible study. They cause us to question what we believe, and hopefully go back to the Bible while working on our defense.
Some women's Bible studies may be better off reading The Feminine Mystique.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Atheists: As comforting as Hell
Atheists seem to find it insulting that when something bad happens to someone, the Christian response is that “it was God’s will.” The extrapolation of this statement is that it is God’s will, designed to bring glory to himself and good to his children. That is comforting to me, but perhaps I’m weird.
As usual with atheists, they deride our beliefs and offer little to no substitute. This time, the substitute for God orchestrating all things to his glory would be replaced by all things being meaningless and random. If not random, bad things may happen for the betterment of the species, in which case “bad” things may not actually be bad. It’s all a matter of perspective. An ethnic purist (depending on his definition of purity) would consider the Holocaust a good thing.
...And they think we are insensitive for believing in Hell?
As usual with atheists, they deride our beliefs and offer little to no substitute. This time, the substitute for God orchestrating all things to his glory would be replaced by all things being meaningless and random. If not random, bad things may happen for the betterment of the species, in which case “bad” things may not actually be bad. It’s all a matter of perspective. An ethnic purist (depending on his definition of purity) would consider the Holocaust a good thing.
...And they think we are insensitive for believing in Hell?
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Biblical? Womanhood?
I’ve seen several articles lately on the new book, A Year of Biblical Womanhood. The author, Rachel Held Evans, decided to abide by unpopular teachings based on the Bible, write about her experiences, and make money off them. In her own words:
I started a yearlong journey in which I found myself growing out my hair, making my own clothes, covering my head whenever I prayed, caring for a computerized baby, abstaining from gossip, remaining silent in church, calling my husband "master," and even camping out in my front yard during my period to observe the Levitical purity laws (even though such laws are generally understood by Christians to no longer apply).
Taken from her article “‘Too Bad You’re a Girl’: Testing the Biblical Teachings I Grew Up With”
This “journey” was a reaction to her confusion on conflicts in teaching about and treatment of women in evangelical circles. In the title of her article, the “Too bad you’re a girl” comment was based on 1 Timothy 2:12, which says “I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet,” implying that despite her gift for public speaking, her options of serving in church would be limited. Evans didn’t understand why this is taken literally, while comments on headcoverings and calling one’s husband “master” are not.
When faced with confusion about the Bible, one may react in several ways: 1, ignore one’s concerns, 2, take the Bible less seriously, 3, leave the faith, 4, research the source of the confusion to have better understanding.
The last two options are legitimate, with #4 being the best option, but #4 could lead to #3. Ignoring ones concerns ranges from laziness to foolishness, both of which lead you to conflicts with the Bible as bad as your original concern. Option #2 is a popular reaction to confusion about the Bible, and Evans seems to be putting herself forward as a leader of it.
Despite claiming to take the comments about women in the Bible more seriously than other churchgoers, she really just decides to take peoples’ comments about comments in the Bible literally, thereby mocking both them and the Bible. If she had taken the Bible seriously, she would have noticed that there is no command to call one’s husband “lord,” there is just the example of Sarah honoring Abraham by doing so. Any cultural connotations of lordship are ignored, despite this title being foreign to Americans, who associate it with oppression. Evans decides to add a few Levitical laws to her list of “Biblical womanhood” but ignores the rest, thereby cheapening her mission and joining the chauvinists in separating women from the rest of society. She sleeps out in a tent while on her period, inane kudos for that, but why does she not abstain from pork? Make fruit sacrifices to God? Slaughter a pigeon or two? (As she made her own clothes) only use kind of material for garments?* Stand up whenever an old person walks in the room? Order her steaks well done? Make friendship bread for people at the French consulate? Instead of taking care of her computerized baby, show dedication to her cause and honor her husband by having a real baby? **
Evans claims she didn’t pick and choose which commands she would keep, but obviously did. I accuse her of joining the chauvinists in treating women differently from the rest of society, because a real Levitical woman would have followed the gender neutral rules plus the rules for females. This doesn’t matter to Evan’s cause, however, since her point in living a year of “Biblical womanhood” was not to follow all the rules, it was to mock those who might follow them.
Now, I don’t want to ignore Evans’ concerns with churchgoers who have frightening opinions about what a Christian woman can or can’t do. She is accurate when talking about the option women are given in some churches: to marry and bear children, or to be a failure at life. This, I believe, is a dreadful confusion about the purpose and abilities of women. There have been amazing women of faith whom God used to glorify himself (think Amy Carmichael or Elizabeth Eliot). God did not use them despite a "defect" of not being married, but because they were his servants. God uses people wherever they are in life or situation, and if you think your ability to serve him is “on hold” for any reason (marriage status, illness or otherwise), that’s your personal misunderstanding and you shouldn’t blame God for it.
The role of women in church can be confusing, probably because humans do a lot to confuse it. I believe that it is a lot more flexible than we make it out to be, but I’m still working through this. Ask me in five years.
My biggest problem with Evans’ book is that she has used Christianity to make others feel better for not being a part of it. I understand having personal searches and struggles, but if you look at the comments she has received from her book reviews, she has encouraged non-believers to think the Bible is a string of antiquated rules with a few stories and nice truisms mixed in. She embraces the idea that you need to pick the parts you like out of the Bible, and mocks those who dare to struggle with the whole of it. Her “journey” seems less like growth, and more like hopping from one philosophy to another.
*To accomplish this in modern times, you’d have to buy polyester fabrics, unless you, by some fortune, found thread that wasn’t polyester.
**Most of these laws were taken from Lev. 19.
***All quotations from the Bible are taken from the ESV.
I started a yearlong journey in which I found myself growing out my hair, making my own clothes, covering my head whenever I prayed, caring for a computerized baby, abstaining from gossip, remaining silent in church, calling my husband "master," and even camping out in my front yard during my period to observe the Levitical purity laws (even though such laws are generally understood by Christians to no longer apply).
Taken from her article “‘Too Bad You’re a Girl’: Testing the Biblical Teachings I Grew Up With”
This “journey” was a reaction to her confusion on conflicts in teaching about and treatment of women in evangelical circles. In the title of her article, the “Too bad you’re a girl” comment was based on 1 Timothy 2:12, which says “I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet,” implying that despite her gift for public speaking, her options of serving in church would be limited. Evans didn’t understand why this is taken literally, while comments on headcoverings and calling one’s husband “master” are not.
When faced with confusion about the Bible, one may react in several ways: 1, ignore one’s concerns, 2, take the Bible less seriously, 3, leave the faith, 4, research the source of the confusion to have better understanding.
The last two options are legitimate, with #4 being the best option, but #4 could lead to #3. Ignoring ones concerns ranges from laziness to foolishness, both of which lead you to conflicts with the Bible as bad as your original concern. Option #2 is a popular reaction to confusion about the Bible, and Evans seems to be putting herself forward as a leader of it.
Despite claiming to take the comments about women in the Bible more seriously than other churchgoers, she really just decides to take peoples’ comments about comments in the Bible literally, thereby mocking both them and the Bible. If she had taken the Bible seriously, she would have noticed that there is no command to call one’s husband “lord,” there is just the example of Sarah honoring Abraham by doing so. Any cultural connotations of lordship are ignored, despite this title being foreign to Americans, who associate it with oppression. Evans decides to add a few Levitical laws to her list of “Biblical womanhood” but ignores the rest, thereby cheapening her mission and joining the chauvinists in separating women from the rest of society. She sleeps out in a tent while on her period, inane kudos for that, but why does she not abstain from pork? Make fruit sacrifices to God? Slaughter a pigeon or two? (As she made her own clothes) only use kind of material for garments?* Stand up whenever an old person walks in the room? Order her steaks well done? Make friendship bread for people at the French consulate? Instead of taking care of her computerized baby, show dedication to her cause and honor her husband by having a real baby? **
Evans claims she didn’t pick and choose which commands she would keep, but obviously did. I accuse her of joining the chauvinists in treating women differently from the rest of society, because a real Levitical woman would have followed the gender neutral rules plus the rules for females. This doesn’t matter to Evan’s cause, however, since her point in living a year of “Biblical womanhood” was not to follow all the rules, it was to mock those who might follow them.
Now, I don’t want to ignore Evans’ concerns with churchgoers who have frightening opinions about what a Christian woman can or can’t do. She is accurate when talking about the option women are given in some churches: to marry and bear children, or to be a failure at life. This, I believe, is a dreadful confusion about the purpose and abilities of women. There have been amazing women of faith whom God used to glorify himself (think Amy Carmichael or Elizabeth Eliot). God did not use them despite a "defect" of not being married, but because they were his servants. God uses people wherever they are in life or situation, and if you think your ability to serve him is “on hold” for any reason (marriage status, illness or otherwise), that’s your personal misunderstanding and you shouldn’t blame God for it.
The role of women in church can be confusing, probably because humans do a lot to confuse it. I believe that it is a lot more flexible than we make it out to be, but I’m still working through this. Ask me in five years.
My biggest problem with Evans’ book is that she has used Christianity to make others feel better for not being a part of it. I understand having personal searches and struggles, but if you look at the comments she has received from her book reviews, she has encouraged non-believers to think the Bible is a string of antiquated rules with a few stories and nice truisms mixed in. She embraces the idea that you need to pick the parts you like out of the Bible, and mocks those who dare to struggle with the whole of it. Her “journey” seems less like growth, and more like hopping from one philosophy to another.
*To accomplish this in modern times, you’d have to buy polyester fabrics, unless you, by some fortune, found thread that wasn’t polyester.
**Most of these laws were taken from Lev. 19.
***All quotations from the Bible are taken from the ESV.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
The Gestation of Tadpoles; and other such nonsense
I spoke with a coworker this week who listed to me her troubles, including the woe of not being able to drink away said troubles because she's carrying a human, i.e., she is in the family way.
"And actually it's not even a human yet!" she added.
"What is it? A tadpole?" I asked.
She laughed.
It is incongruous. You can "hang out" all weekend (which never involves hanging), "do stuff" to keep busy, and "mess around" (which probably involves watching television), but when you reach certain topics, people adopt Sheldon Cooper's penchant for precision.
So first one bears a zygote, which at some point turned into a fetus, and only the careless or a fundamentalist* would assume to call someone else's child a baby before it's born. It may not be considered a baby yet, based on the parents' inclinations.
This reminds me of one of Dr. Michael Bauman'srants lectures about the importance of language to ideology. If it is wrong to kill humans, and a baby is a tiny human, it would be wrong to kill it at any stage. If it's just a fetus, well, bring on the advanced coat hangers.** If God isn't a man (human), can't we call God a she? If two people love each other and want to live together forever, isn't that a marriage?
If you try to substitute one word for another, you lose the connotations of the original word. Words in themselves are just sounds, and one sound may be just as good as the other. You cannot swap meanings so easily; it is dangerous to try.
~Reese
*The fundamentalists are coming!!! Run away!!!
**Does it bother anyone else that liberals are more offended by the method of using coat hangers in abortions than the actual abortions?
"And actually it's not even a human yet!" she added.
"What is it? A tadpole?" I asked.
She laughed.
It is incongruous. You can "hang out" all weekend (which never involves hanging), "do stuff" to keep busy, and "mess around" (which probably involves watching television), but when you reach certain topics, people adopt Sheldon Cooper's penchant for precision.
So first one bears a zygote, which at some point turned into a fetus, and only the careless or a fundamentalist* would assume to call someone else's child a baby before it's born. It may not be considered a baby yet, based on the parents' inclinations.
This reminds me of one of Dr. Michael Bauman's
If you try to substitute one word for another, you lose the connotations of the original word. Words in themselves are just sounds, and one sound may be just as good as the other. You cannot swap meanings so easily; it is dangerous to try.
~Reese
*The fundamentalists are coming!!! Run away!!!
**Does it bother anyone else that liberals are more offended by the method of using coat hangers in abortions than the actual abortions?
Monday, September 17, 2012
The Adventures of Lady Jaine, Part 8 (final installment)
Sissy was unhappy to find the mess Jaine made in the cell. After she had thrown a pile of rags over the vomit, she looked as ill as Jaine felt. Jaine murmured her thanks when Sissy gave her bread and drink, but when the girl left, she closed the door so quickly the sound sent waves of pain through Jaine’s head. The stone wall was cool, so Jaine leaned her head against it and closed her eyes.
“It is so sad to see someone suffering and be able to do nothing for them but lend
them a comforting voice,” Joel continued from across the cell. “It’s always my goal
to bring a little sunshine in everyone’s life, to make them smile even though life
may not be all they want it to be.”
“If I smile, would you stop talking?” Jaine begged.
Joel’s response sounded hurt. “Well, I’m not meaning to bother anyone, it’s just
that humans all need some form of companionship whether they realize it or not.
Especially in a place like this where we need to cling to every bit of joy and good
feeling that we can muster. When you think of all the good things that can happen, a
place like this isn’t so bad, don’t you feel like it? Especially when you remember
that this place was empty when I came here – so anyone here before must have gotten
out somehow.”
“Probably in a dustpan.”
“One trick I’ve heard before in captivity is to imagine all the wonderful things
that are going on outside. You know, birds are singing, the sun is shining, flowers
are peaking their heads out of the ground…”
“It is autumn. Winter is coming.”
“….Snow is going to fall, all frosty and white, with the king’s deer running through
it, holiday feasts will happen with roaring fires and people gathered around them…”
Joel continued his list of wonderful things they would not experience because of
their imprisonment. This torment lingered. Jaine had no way of marking the passing
of time until she noticed the gap of a window made to ventilate the cell left a
strip of sunlight above her. It moved across the stones, which could be used as
units of time. Jaine decided to call the units of time “Jaine Lifetimes.” Seven
Jaine Lifetimes passed while Joel babbled.
There was a clang of steel below. Joel talked on, so Jaine shushed him. Yes, she
heard fighting below, along with shouts and the roar of the ogress. Jaine listened
intently.
“Well,” Joel drawled, “I wonder what is going on down there.”
The fighting lasted half a Jaine Lifetime. Then there was silence.
“Hullo?” a man’s voice called from down the hall.
“Help! Heeeeelp!” Jaine raved. “I’m up here! Help me!”
The door opened. A man stood in the doorway wearing silvery armor, a dark goatee,
and a pose. He was gorgeous.
“I am Garrestotle, here to rescue you. I have slain the ogress who so wrongfully
imprisoned you, and now offer my arms to carry you off to your new destiny.”
Garrestotle smiled, evidently pleased with his speech.
Jaine blinked. “I am Lady Jaine.”
“I am Joel! And glory be, now we can all get out of here!”
Garrestotle looked at Joel, confused. “I was only told to rescue the Lady. Maybe
there was a mistake…”
“There’s no mistake!” Jaine insisted.
“Well, I have a key…” Garrestotle went to unlock Joel’s chains. Jaine gritted her
teeth and shuffled her feet impatiently. The shackle, still very attached to Jaine’s
ankle, rattled furiously.
“It doesn’t work,” Garrestotle finally decided.
“Well that’s what you get when you carry around that artless piece of
craftsmanship!” spat Joel. He corrected himself. “What I mean is, apparently it is
still my duty to bring hope and light to this prison. Go ahead, see if it works on
the Lady’s bonds.”
Garrestotle bent dramatically over the shackle. The key worked. Joel pouted.
“Oh thank everything that is good,” Jaine exclaimed. She tried hugging her rescuer
and nearly strangled him with his breastplate. “Now, get me out of here.”
They left Joel and descended the stairs. Leaving the tower where Jaine had been
imprisoned, they found a brook with a stone bench nearby. The trees leaned away so
as not to eavesdrop, letting moonlight fall on the couple. The man and lady revealed
their stories and troubles, leaning toward one another in earnestness.
“…and so,” finished Garrestotle as he stroked Lady’s Jaine’s hand, “that is why they cannot, or should not, use terms like “progress” and “good,” because those are
directional terms. If there is good there must be better, and they have established
no paragon. They cannot use progress because that implies a progression toward
something, assuming something good, but that may just as easily be a regression. You
can’t make an honest attempt at progress if you have no defined goal. Progress
cannot be a destination in and of itself – that makes it meaningless.”
“That’s brilliant,” Jaine assured him.
“Thank you.” Garrestotle smiled.
Garrestotle’s arm encircled her and Jaine rested her head upon his shoulder.
“And so,” Jaine asked, “when are we going to get married?”
Garrestotle stiffened. “Well, that’s a… I mean… that’s a question.”
“Yes, it is.” Her head came off his shoulder and she turned to face him. “What is
the answer? You did come to rescue me. It is expected.”
“I’m not sure. I hadn’t really… well, I had thought you would come with me on my
mission. I would like you to, and I kind of need you for part of it.”
“Which is more, your need or your want?”
“Umm… the one you want me to answer.”
“Well, as you picked the correct one, I’ll consider coming, but you have to marry me
first,” Jaine insisted.
He looked even more uncomfortable.
Jaine glared. “What! You expected me to go off with you without marrying me first?”
“No…”
“You expected me to refuse you?”
“No…”
With a huff, she shifted away from him and crossed her arms. “As I see it, you have
three options. First, you can leave me here, never to return. Second, you could leave me here to my own devices, risking that someone more decisive will come and
marry me before you come back. Third, you can marry me, and then we shall resume
your mission.”
“But I am decisive! I just hadn’t thought of this yet.”
“You came here without thinking about-”
“Shh!” he held up his hand. “I’m thinking.” He stood and paced in front of her. He
had taken off the most cumbersome pieces of his armor already, but still clanked as
he walked. “Okay. We can get married.”
"Oh good. When?”
“Now.”
“By whom?”
“Why, a priest, of course.”
“Where?”
“I’m still thinking. Okay, let’s just go, into the town, find a priest, and we’ll be
on our way.”
“Okay.”
Jaine returned to the tower to fetch her belongings and don a clean gown while Garrestotle located his horse. He had Lady Jaine ride it while he carried his armor, though halfway to town, she talked him into letting the horse carry the armor while she walked beside him and held his hand.
They found a chapel just as dawn broke, but decided to wait for the priest to wake up of his own volition. Meanwhile, they talked, and Jaine gathered flowers that grew near the churchyard.
The first beams of sunrise shone through the church windows as they said their wedding vows. A bright morning met them when they emerged, and Garrestotle kissed Jaine and set her back on his horse.
“To where do we go now, my dear?” asked Jaine.
“To the east. Though I warn you, there will be many dragons to fight and people to argue.”
“It sounds pluperfect.”
And so they strode toward the rising sun, toward their adventures.
THE END
“It is so sad to see someone suffering and be able to do nothing for them but lend
them a comforting voice,” Joel continued from across the cell. “It’s always my goal
to bring a little sunshine in everyone’s life, to make them smile even though life
may not be all they want it to be.”
“If I smile, would you stop talking?” Jaine begged.
Joel’s response sounded hurt. “Well, I’m not meaning to bother anyone, it’s just
that humans all need some form of companionship whether they realize it or not.
Especially in a place like this where we need to cling to every bit of joy and good
feeling that we can muster. When you think of all the good things that can happen, a
place like this isn’t so bad, don’t you feel like it? Especially when you remember
that this place was empty when I came here – so anyone here before must have gotten
out somehow.”
“Probably in a dustpan.”
“One trick I’ve heard before in captivity is to imagine all the wonderful things
that are going on outside. You know, birds are singing, the sun is shining, flowers
are peaking their heads out of the ground…”
“It is autumn. Winter is coming.”
“….Snow is going to fall, all frosty and white, with the king’s deer running through
it, holiday feasts will happen with roaring fires and people gathered around them…”
Joel continued his list of wonderful things they would not experience because of
their imprisonment. This torment lingered. Jaine had no way of marking the passing
of time until she noticed the gap of a window made to ventilate the cell left a
strip of sunlight above her. It moved across the stones, which could be used as
units of time. Jaine decided to call the units of time “Jaine Lifetimes.” Seven
Jaine Lifetimes passed while Joel babbled.
There was a clang of steel below. Joel talked on, so Jaine shushed him. Yes, she
heard fighting below, along with shouts and the roar of the ogress. Jaine listened
intently.
“Well,” Joel drawled, “I wonder what is going on down there.”
The fighting lasted half a Jaine Lifetime. Then there was silence.
“Hullo?” a man’s voice called from down the hall.
“Help! Heeeeelp!” Jaine raved. “I’m up here! Help me!”
The door opened. A man stood in the doorway wearing silvery armor, a dark goatee,
and a pose. He was gorgeous.
“I am Garrestotle, here to rescue you. I have slain the ogress who so wrongfully
imprisoned you, and now offer my arms to carry you off to your new destiny.”
Garrestotle smiled, evidently pleased with his speech.
Jaine blinked. “I am Lady Jaine.”
“I am Joel! And glory be, now we can all get out of here!”
Garrestotle looked at Joel, confused. “I was only told to rescue the Lady. Maybe
there was a mistake…”
“There’s no mistake!” Jaine insisted.
“Well, I have a key…” Garrestotle went to unlock Joel’s chains. Jaine gritted her
teeth and shuffled her feet impatiently. The shackle, still very attached to Jaine’s
ankle, rattled furiously.
“It doesn’t work,” Garrestotle finally decided.
“Well that’s what you get when you carry around that artless piece of
craftsmanship!” spat Joel. He corrected himself. “What I mean is, apparently it is
still my duty to bring hope and light to this prison. Go ahead, see if it works on
the Lady’s bonds.”
Garrestotle bent dramatically over the shackle. The key worked. Joel pouted.
“Oh thank everything that is good,” Jaine exclaimed. She tried hugging her rescuer
and nearly strangled him with his breastplate. “Now, get me out of here.”
They left Joel and descended the stairs. Leaving the tower where Jaine had been
imprisoned, they found a brook with a stone bench nearby. The trees leaned away so
as not to eavesdrop, letting moonlight fall on the couple. The man and lady revealed
their stories and troubles, leaning toward one another in earnestness.
“…and so,” finished Garrestotle as he stroked Lady’s Jaine’s hand, “that is why they cannot, or should not, use terms like “progress” and “good,” because those are
directional terms. If there is good there must be better, and they have established
no paragon. They cannot use progress because that implies a progression toward
something, assuming something good, but that may just as easily be a regression. You
can’t make an honest attempt at progress if you have no defined goal. Progress
cannot be a destination in and of itself – that makes it meaningless.”
“That’s brilliant,” Jaine assured him.
“Thank you.” Garrestotle smiled.
Garrestotle’s arm encircled her and Jaine rested her head upon his shoulder.
“And so,” Jaine asked, “when are we going to get married?”
Garrestotle stiffened. “Well, that’s a… I mean… that’s a question.”
“Yes, it is.” Her head came off his shoulder and she turned to face him. “What is
the answer? You did come to rescue me. It is expected.”
“I’m not sure. I hadn’t really… well, I had thought you would come with me on my
mission. I would like you to, and I kind of need you for part of it.”
“Which is more, your need or your want?”
“Umm… the one you want me to answer.”
“Well, as you picked the correct one, I’ll consider coming, but you have to marry me
first,” Jaine insisted.
He looked even more uncomfortable.
Jaine glared. “What! You expected me to go off with you without marrying me first?”
“No…”
“You expected me to refuse you?”
“No…”
With a huff, she shifted away from him and crossed her arms. “As I see it, you have
three options. First, you can leave me here, never to return. Second, you could leave me here to my own devices, risking that someone more decisive will come and
marry me before you come back. Third, you can marry me, and then we shall resume
your mission.”
“But I am decisive! I just hadn’t thought of this yet.”
“You came here without thinking about-”
“Shh!” he held up his hand. “I’m thinking.” He stood and paced in front of her. He
had taken off the most cumbersome pieces of his armor already, but still clanked as
he walked. “Okay. We can get married.”
"Oh good. When?”
“Now.”
“By whom?”
“Why, a priest, of course.”
“Where?”
“I’m still thinking. Okay, let’s just go, into the town, find a priest, and we’ll be
on our way.”
“Okay.”
Jaine returned to the tower to fetch her belongings and don a clean gown while Garrestotle located his horse. He had Lady Jaine ride it while he carried his armor, though halfway to town, she talked him into letting the horse carry the armor while she walked beside him and held his hand.
They found a chapel just as dawn broke, but decided to wait for the priest to wake up of his own volition. Meanwhile, they talked, and Jaine gathered flowers that grew near the churchyard.
The first beams of sunrise shone through the church windows as they said their wedding vows. A bright morning met them when they emerged, and Garrestotle kissed Jaine and set her back on his horse.
“To where do we go now, my dear?” asked Jaine.
“To the east. Though I warn you, there will be many dragons to fight and people to argue.”
“It sounds pluperfect.”
And so they strode toward the rising sun, toward their adventures.
THE END
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)